@mcdadstuff

Teen daughter: What? Why are you looking at me that way?? You’re all squinty and judgy.

Me: I just took my contacts out.

@mcdadstuff

My teen can’t seem to make her own bowl of cereal, but she can make a Tik Tok recipe with 17 ingredients.

@mcdadstuff

I wonder if there are introvert birds who get tired of all the chatter coming from the extrovert birds.

@mcdadstuff

Wife and daughter are doing a Friends marathon. It’s on 24/7.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.

@mcdadstuff

Cost me $200 to fill up my tank tonight. Don’t know why I bought a tank, so impractical.

@mcdadstuff

Normalize saying “Yummy in my tummy” when the server asks about your meal.

@mcdadstuff

Wife just read through all my tweets.
Her eyes are very slowly rolling back into place.