Welp, I just ran my car off the road. I was doing the “We Will Rock You” beat with my hands and forgot I don’t have a self-driving car
Whenever my daughter starts a sentence with “I saw this Tik Tok that said…”, I know I’m in for some sound advice
I saw my shadow today. You won’t see that on the evening news because I’m not a stupid fuzzy animal
Whosoever eateth the last brownie shall forever be shamed
I always double-check our garage door is closed at night. I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.
I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.
Just when I’ve finally gotten everything cleaned and put in the dishwasher, my kid comes marching in with her museum collection of dishes and cups
I accidentally vacuumed up a live spider, so I did the right thing and returned the vacuum cleaner to Costco.
Apple is now sponsoring the Super Bowl halftime performance.
That means it won’t be noticeably different from last year’s and we’ll have to update our TVs halfway through.
I knocked over a display at the grocery store and managed to get myself in both a pickle and a jam
When you vacuum your kid’s room and it just sounds like millions of Rice Krispies being sucked up
You ever think someone is breaking into your house and then realize oh, it’s just the clothes in the washer I started 5 minutes ago.
I keep rearranging my home office just to throw off everyone on the work video calls.
My family’s superpower is filling the recycle bin within 5 minutes of me emptying it.
Me, sitting on the patio trying to enjoy a book.
Leaf blowers: ABSOLUTELY NOT.