lawyer: just say you were with a friend

me: ok

cop: where were you that night?

me: robbing the house *winking at my lawyer* with my friend


me: I invited my boss to dinner

her: I thought you hated him

me: I didn’t have any choice

my boss: should I leave?


me: my fish is very dry

waiter: yes, we had to take him out of the water

me: smart


[after sex]
her: you were really loud

me: *putting down my trombone* yep


murderer: I’m outside your house

me: I’m at the supermarket

murderer: ok

me: I’ll be there in 10


interviewer: can you type fast?

me: yes, that and SEVERAL other words


boss: somebody stole the office thesaurus

me: I perceive your concern however I am not cognizant of the perpetrator



TV writers: first of all, nobody can explain anything quickly or clearly to avoid a misunderstanding