@mrjohndarby lawyer: just say you were with a friend
me: ok
[later]
cop: where were you that night?me: robbing the house *winking at my lawyer* with my friend
@mrjohndarby @mrjohndarby me: I invited my boss to dinner
her: I thought you hated him
me: I didn’t have any choice
my boss: should I leave?
@mrjohndarby me: my fish is very dry
waiter: yes, we had to take him out of the water
me: smart
@mrjohndarby [after sex]
her: you were really loudme: *putting down my trombone* yep
@mrjohndarby [phonecall]
murderer: I’m outside your houseme: I’m at the supermarket
murderer: ok
me: I’ll be there in 10
@mrjohndarby interviewer: can you type fast?
me: yes, that and SEVERAL other words
@mrjohndarby boss: somebody stole the office thesaurus
me: I perceive your concern however I am not cognizant of the perpetrator
@mrjohndarby interviewer: can you work overtime?
me: *nodding* and space
@mrjohndarby nobody:
TV writers: first of all, nobody can explain anything quickly or clearly to avoid a misunderstanding
@mrjohndarby buying dead houseplants to save time