@rn_murse

my life really started to turn around once i had a microwave installed in the bathroom

@rn_murse

annoying co-worker pissing you off? just keep calling him margaret.

margaret really hates that.

@rn_murse

accountant: do you have any dependents?

me: i’m illegally running several celebrity pet accounts on IG right now.

@rn_murse

if any of you are fans of deep house music blasted at high volume, i’d highly recommend the grocery store around the corner from me.

@rn_murse

I’m not criticizing you. I just think you look awful. -My mom