I cleaned out my junk drawer and now I have 2 junk drawers.
My son just lost a tooth and wants money, not soy sauce packets this time.
I had an erotic dream last night that my house was clean.
My son kneed himself on the trampoline.
*black eye forming
Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this.
When I’m mad at my kid, I don’t put the straw from the juice box in their school lunch.
My mom called and gave me the weekly weather report. I can’t wait to do this to my kids.
Fun trick: Swap guacamole with wasabi, then watch.
I’m a long-term thinker. For instance, the green bananas I bought will be delicious in 2 days.
My daughter said, “You’re the best mommy ever!”
I’m really proud that she’s learning sarcasm at such a young age.
Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday.
Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I broke a lightbulb, smashed artwork, splattered milk from cereal bowls across kitchen walls and knocked over candles.
Fly is dead.
My husband is out w/friends & I’m at home w/the kids. I’m going to sprinkle Legos under the covers on his side of the bed.
My teen yelled at me for not waking her up for school. She’s in the shower & I’m wondering when she realizes it’s Sunday. This is beautiful.