
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: *looks up from texting
I don’t have a phone.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: *looks up from texting
I don’t have a phone.
Them: Do you know what your problem is?
Me: Yes.
Ways to get me naked:
1. Be hot
2. Be funny
3. Be alcohol
4. Pretend to be my gynecologist
Pro tip: Do your makeup before you start drinking.
I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don’t show up there.
If you want to intimidate anyone with your screaming and honking, you may need to rethink those reindeer antlers on your car.
Want his attention?
Send nudes
Want to piss him off?
When he responds,
reply “Oops, wrong person”
If you keep laughing then you’ll always have the last laugh.
How many beer trucks can you “accidentally” run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?
You’re pretty cocky for someone with such a small…
….vocabulary.