@texasstalkermom Ways to get me naked:
1. Be hot
2. Be funny
3. Be alcohol
4. Pretend to be my gynecologist
@texasstalkermom @texasstalkermom Pro tip: Do your makeup before you start drinking.
@texasstalkermom I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don’t show up there.
@texasstalkermom If you want to intimidate anyone with your screaming and honking, you may need to rethink those reindeer antlers on your car.
@texasstalkermom Want his attention?
Send nudes
Want to piss him off?
When he responds,
reply “Oops, wrong person”
@texasstalkermom If you keep laughing then you’ll always have the last laugh.
@texasstalkermom How many beer trucks can you “accidentally” run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?
@texasstalkermom You’re pretty cocky for someone with such a small…
….vocabulary.
@texasstalkermom That awkward moment you run into someone in public that you know, and there is nowhere to hide.
@texasstalkermom You find my yoga pants distracting…
…would you like me to take them off?