2 days ago I gained 800 followers in one day just for tweeting a cleavage pic
I forgot the word confetti so I just said jazz hands graffiti
Forgot the word tree so I just said bush on a stick
It was an art back in the day to be able to fit your tweet into 140 characters
Now people tweet chapters and their tweets are still a load of bollocks. See? This one is already far too long. I apologise for wasting your time and omg why are you still reading this rubbish?
Not to brag, but I am really good at taking naps.
I can even do them with my eyes closed.
Me, reading some of your tweets
When you’re drunk do a selfie with your bestie
No YOUR addicted to correcting people’s grandma on the Twitter
My 8 year old son got a Wonka Bar for Christmas. His friend said that he didn’t know they sold them in real life & my son said of course they Oompa loompa doompety doo.
Last night, during dinner, my 7 year old son said….
I need a pen and paper to write down the recipe for this so that when I have children I can make it for them because it’s really nice.
So apparently, he has his whole life planned out, including meals.