@urmumsausername

2 days ago I gained 800 followers in one day just for tweeting a cleavage pic

Unbooblievable

@urmumsausername

It was an art back in the day to be able to fit your tweet into 140 characters

Now people tweet chapters and their tweets are still a load of bollocks. See? This one is already far too long. I apologise for wasting your time and omg why are you still reading this rubbish?

@urmumsausername

Not to brag, but I am really good at taking naps.
I can even do them with my eyes closed.

@urmumsausername

My 8 year old son got a Wonka Bar for Christmas. His friend said that he didn’t know they sold them in real life & my son said of course they Oompa loompa doompety doo.

@urmumsausername

Last night, during dinner, my 7 year old son said….

I need a pen and paper to write down the recipe for this so that when I have children I can make it for them because it’s really nice.

So apparently, he has his whole life planned out, including meals.