
@SICKOFWOLVES @funTweeters Can you drive a school bus?
@SICKOFWOLVES @funTweeters Can you drive a school bus?
Me: It’s ok if they stay a little damp
Automatic hand dryer: I SHALL DRIVE THE WATER FROM YOUR VERY BONES
I’m not saying I’m an idiot…
But if some village comes looking…tell them you never saw me.
oh sorry I meant to say I was in *an* arcade fire
Me: Ok kids, vacation time!!
Kids: Yay!
M: See you in a week!
*slams door*Kids: …
[dark alley]
Here’s the $3 million, thanks again for this, be sure to send pictures.Kidnapper: Wait, don’t you want your kids back?
Me: why don’t you ever do things the first time I ask?
5: because I’m 5
diet tip: eat all your meals in front of a industrial fan
“By the way, actions don’t speak!” — Words.
[Bookstore]
Me: *hands over Tangled coloring book*
Cashier: How old is your daughter?
Me: [sweating nervously] Of course it is