@Book_Krazy

Me: A bird just flew in the building.

CW: That means someone’s gonna die!

Me: *grabs letter opener

Her:

Me: I don’t make the rules Karen

@Book_Krazy

Me: *excited* I bought a bunch of Christmas carbs just like you said!

My boss: You mean Christmas cards?

Me with doughnut glaze all over my face: what

My boss: what

@Book_Krazy

Her: How’s your drink?

Me: It’s ok. I can’t taste the alcohol though

Her:That’s cause we’re at the gym and its a protein shake

@Book_Krazy

Hub: When was your first kiss

Me: July 4th 1978 I kissed Brent under the fireworks

Hub: Didn’t you have a frog named Brent

Me: I hate you

@Book_Krazy

Me: HEY LADY YOU STOLE MY PARKING SPOT!

Her: so

Me: *noticing she opened a Gatorade on the first try* HAHA JUST KIDDING ITS TOTALLY YOURS.

@Book_Krazy

[Boss hands me 12 pages of complaints about my smart-ass remarks]

Me: so I guess the whole “we’re going paperless” rules dont apply to you?

@Book_Krazy

[spelling bee]

Your word is ‘monosyllabic’

“Can you describe it in a sentence?”

Yes

@Book_Krazy

Me: I love these lazy Sundays.

Boss: It’s Tuesday. Get off my couch and out of my office. And for Christ’s sake, put some clothes on!

@Book_Krazy

*Blows dandelion in the wind*
*stares at stem*

[whispers] “Now you’re just somebody that I used to blow”

@Book_Krazy

Son: I have to bring a giraffe to school tomorrow

Hub: *types in zoo coordinates & grabs keys*

Me: He means a graph

Hub: I GOT THIS HONEY