I don’t know how to break it to the new dog, but ours is not a parkour house.
I flossed the egg out of my teeth for this?
Autocorrect changed ‘flash’ to ‘flask’.
Why yes, I’ll have one flask flood emergency.
Eye drops falling everywhere except my eyes is why I have trust issues.
The face palm is the only houseplant you can’t kill
When cows do it, it’s Reverse Girlcow
Due to inflation, the high five has dropped to a mere middle finger
A faceplant is the ultimate fusion cuisine