@English_Channel who knew parenting would entail saying “pick that up off the floor” followed by “and don’t put it in your mouth” so often
@English_Channel what if cobwebs were delicious?
– cotton candy inventor
@English_Channel me: damn! this pizza burned the inside of my mouth
*immediately takes 2nd bite*
@English_Channel sweetie, she doesn’t mean anything to me. please look at me
@English_Channel when someone rings the doorbell
@English_Channel You telling me these peas gave someone a black eye?
@English_Channel this isn’t my first rodeo
– what my 5yr old just yelled as he wrote “rodeo” for the 2nd time
@English_Channel I’m beginning to suspect I wasn’t sold a corgi
@English_Channel this sky deity is putting off some real “nah, I’m good” energy
@English_Channel *bugs bunny*
bunny: stop bothering me