@Jake_Vig Any grown man whose mustache is a different color than his head hair is automatically qualified to be the conductor of a magical train.
@Jake_Vig @Jake_Vig Every single headline could read: “Idiots Continue To Do Stuff”
@Jake_Vig You ever notice that no one ever posts a story about meeting someone from Twitter in real life because they’re probably in a pit in a basement somewhere putting the lotion in the basket?
@Jake_Vig The next Godzilla/King Kong universe movie:
“How I Met Your Mothra”
@Jake_Vig I tend to trust people who reek of garlic.
@Jake_Vig Oh, you like astronomy? Name all the stars.
@Jake_Vig Find yourself someone who looks at you the way I look at the block button.
@Jake_Vig MEET ME AT THE PLACE NEXT TO THE THING GO NOW DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS
@Jake_Vig You can use the phrase “lickity split” as much as you want at work and they can’t fire you.
@Jake_Vig Used a Ouija board as a charcuterie plate and now three people who ate the Brie are dead.