Any grown man whose mustache is a different color than his head hair is automatically qualified to be the conductor of a magical train.
Every single headline could read: “Idiots Continue To Do Stuff”
You ever notice that no one ever posts a story about meeting someone from Twitter in real life because they’re probably in a pit in a basement somewhere putting the lotion in the basket?
The next Godzilla/King Kong universe movie:
“How I Met Your Mothra”
I tend to trust people who reek of garlic.
Oh, you like astronomy? Name all the stars.
Find yourself someone who looks at you the way I look at the block button.
MEET ME AT THE PLACE NEXT TO THE THING GO NOW DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS
You can use the phrase “lickity split” as much as you want at work and they can’t fire you.
Used a Ouija board as a charcuterie plate and now three people who ate the Brie are dead.