The next Godzilla/King Kong universe movie:
“How I Met Your Mothra”
I tend to trust people who reek of garlic.
Oh, you like astronomy? Name all the stars.
Find yourself someone who looks at you the way I look at the block button.
MEET ME AT THE PLACE NEXT TO THE THING GO NOW DO NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS
You can use the phrase “lickity split” as much as you want at work and they can’t fire you.
Used a Ouija board as a charcuterie plate and now three people who ate the Brie are dead.
Typical day, where a billionaire posts a screenshot of your pinned tweet with you cropped out of it and gets more likes and retweets than your original tweet. I’m so glad he enjoyed it.
*travels back in time*
*follows Albert Einstein*
*waits for him to trip*
*yells “Way to go, Einstein!”*
*returns satisfied to present*
THERAPIST: How did you feel when you first realized you had a Gloria Gaynor obsession?
ME: First I was afraid. I was petrified.