I would give up shouting at trees for you.
When I say something occurred under mysterious circumstances it means I forgot the circumstances.
This day in history. 1967. Ed Sullivan made the Rolling Stones change the lyric “Let’s spend the night together” to the more family friendly “Let’s go back to my place boink boink boinkity-boink.”
What a spectacular disaster may I get your recipe?
If I leave out a comma it’s because I don’t want you to breathe.
Some people ask, what would Jesus do. I ask, will it frighten the squirrels?
She’s carrying a torch for you because her flamethrower’s in the shop.
“My middle name is War-and-Peace.”
“It’s a long story.”
This day in history. 1675. English king Charles II ordered that all coffee houses be closed because the populace was becoming alarmingly alert.
You don’t have to tell me twice because I don’t listen either time.