My friend is so frugal if he starts dreaming good he wakes up so as to not spend it all at one time.
I was so proud when the AC repair guy came and the AC continued to not function in front of him.
My friend: My fridge broke down, all my ice cream is gonna melt!
Me: Step aside.
What did one elevator say to another?
Am gonna level with you
Parenting is being woken up at midnight to answer “mumma if sharks don’t have bones how do they have skeletons?”
Me: You shifted your bar to the rooftop from the basement?
Him: Yes, I raised the bar.
Is it still ‘breakfast’ if you have had midnight snacks in four equal intervals before you woke up formally?
Does a UFO remain an UFO once you identify it as a UFO?
My kid can name 32 crayon colours but when I ask what colour was that car that backed into our’s he’ll say “a bit like my yesterday’s poop”
People be all walking and sneezing openly like it is 2019