@MadHatterMommy

Him: which of these two fanny packs is better?
Me:
Me:
Him: you can say neither
Me: oh thank goodness!

@MadHatterMommy

They were testing a machine that calculates your age based on your reflexes. Turns out I am 140 years old.

@MadHatterMommy

Them: No pets allowed!
My cat: Guess you are gonna just have to wait outside for me…

@MadHatterMommy

When you have 7 guests and a set of 6 mugs how do you decide which one to kill to maintain uniformity?

@MadHatterMommy

At night
Me: wow I finally found the best sleeping position!
My body: we need to pee.