@OMGSoOverIt

My husband started exercising and now I have to start exercising out of spite.

@OMGSoOverIt

You can tell a lot about a person by how many pet possums they have.

@OMGSoOverIt

I get Botox so my face won’t show people what I really think.

@OMGSoOverIt

The kitchen trash will be overflowing and my kids will keep stacking garbage on top like they’re playing Jenga.

@OMGSoOverIt

Last night my mother-in-law read me all her political retweets.

How was your night?

@OMGSoOverIt

When a police officer seductively leans into your car window, he’s not going in for a kiss. Now I know.

@OMGSoOverIt

When a cop tells you to get out of your car, it’s not so he can take a selfie with you. Now I know.

@OMGSoOverIt

Officer, why do you say “full body cavity search” like it’s a bad thing?

@OMGSoOverIt

Against the wall, on the counter and bent over the couch are the places I like to stretch.