Doing more laundry today, seems I have more people living here than I can actually see.
In my town we have little crime and lots of cops which makes me mad because all the good donuts are gone early in the morning.
When you give them a gift card to a restaurant because you don’t like them enough to take to dinner.
I was rudely awakened by my wife’s snoring and she had the nerve to get mad because I started howling at the moon.
Some of you wonder how I’m still married, pfft you should wonder how I got married in the first place.
Things that go bump in the night except it’s me sneaking back in from the pub.