Why do they report on the hurricane by standing in the middle of the hurricane?
When there’s a house fire, no one reports on it from inside the house.
Technically, iPhone chargers are apple juice.
I own a Delorean but I only drive it from time to time.
The human body is 75% water so we’re, basically, just lettuce with anxiety.
Me: Raising a family is hard.
Necromancer: Not if they’re buried close together.
I just found out Canada isn’t real
Turns out it was all mapleleaf
I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was terrible at first but by the end I kind of liked it.
“Dad, are we pyromaniacs?”
” Yes, we arson.”