My daughter just watched “Cujo” for the first time.
Guess who’s putting shaving cream around the dogs mouth later ?
Caller ID really needs to be more detailed like “Your neighbor Todd needs help moving a couch” or the “ex wife is on her way over go hide in the basement.
Got in a fight with my neighbor again because I tripped his breaker while using his outdoor Christmas lights as an extension cord for my outdoor Christmas lights.
The cops just showed up at work & all the workers that have been in trouble before fled. At least that’s what I can see from under my desk.
A big shout out to my cat for hissing at an empty closet and keeping me in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel
My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I’m starting to think she really doesn’t like lunch.
Baby, I would run into a burning building from you.