@TheRobCee

Lost my job naming hurricanes after 3 ex-girlfriends called & complained. In hindsight, including their last names may have been a bad idea.

@TheRobCee

Before the invention of the hose, firefighters had to put fires out with their fists.

@TheRobCee

[labels account “18+”]

[tweets exclusively about voting & buying cigarettes legally]

@TheRobCee

In hell, your mouth is always freshly brushed & minty, and all they have to drink is orange juice.

@TheRobCee

Dog The Bounty Hunter’s greatest weakness is getting distracted when the fugitive throws a tennis ball.

@TheRobCee

Michael Cera, in a public restroom, pinned to the opposite wall by the force of the hand-dryer.

@TheRobCee

“I need a car. What do you have?”
“Well, we have a Subaru Outback”
“But what kind of Subaru?”
“Outback”
“I don’t CARE where you keep it…”

@TheRobCee

Got kicked off the cruise ship after three day of constantly saying “poop deck” & snickering.

@TheRobCee

[furiously trying to stir a stick of butter into a glass of milk]
“Don’t you wish there was an easier way?”
[cut to carton of butter milk]