ME (a man who was paid to write 3 reviews 20 years ago): Well, you know, speaking as a writer…
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Summertime: Fill up my hydration backpack with water.
Wintertime: Fill up my hydration backpack with piping hot tomato soup.
[at TED talk]
OMG that man is having a heart attack! Anyone here a doctor?
*entire crowd stands*
No a MEDICAL doctor
*entire crowd sits*
Watched The Little Mermaid with my girl last night & realized that Aerial could be on an episode of Hoarders. : /
I just want to be on record as saying that 2020 is probably not the right year for this
[being beat down with health, family, work issues]
Me: I will remain positive at all times
[my bagel sandwich falls on the floor]
Me: I am going to fire God
Relax lady, I don’t want your husband.
I just want the sandwich he’s eating.
Priest: so you want hear more about ‘the damnation’?
Beaver: yes please.
what’s your pitch?
“so this guy steals from the rich…”
ok
“and gives to the poor”
nice. what’s his name?
“Robin…”
haha I love it
“Hood”
wait
[ alone in a dark cemetery ]
me: marco
Pictionary is the perfect game to play whenever you need an excuse to punch your friend in the face.