Of course I talk to myself. I’m a great listener.
My husband said I looked tired so I ate his ice cream bar.
Sticker placement is key.
If you turn the ceiling fan on high enough, you don’t have to sweep.
My vacuum just died. Now everything sucks, except my vacuum.
Don’t tell me a program may contain nudity. Tell me for sure so I don’t waste my time.
Dr: Do you limit your alcohol intake?
Me: Yes. As soon as I pass out, I’m done.
Just realized I get most of my upper body strength from shredding cheese.
I get it, Christmas tree. I too am better when I’m lit up.
They say money can’t buy love but this tray of lasagna begs to differ.