Dear BJ’s,
Either your employees are very rude…
Or, the name of your store is terribly misleading.Sincerely,
An ‘Unsatisfied’ Customer
TOP 5 PAINFUL THINGS:
5: relationship breakup
4. going to prison
3. disease diagnosis
2. death of a loved one
1.
felt cute might bury dad later idk
“Jesus Christ, Roger… What the hell are you doing with your life?”
Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.
the day my uncle Dan played his final game of “I got your nose”
“It’s-a me… Where’s-a Thanos?”
Grind me like corn, so I know it’s meal.
“The Mothership has returned. Gather your things and inform the others.”
“So, what’s the plan?”
“You walk up and do your whole ‘rawr rawr’ shtick, and I’ll sneak around and grab their sammiches.”
WIFE: We want to renew our vows.
ME: *hands priest paper*
WIFE: We wrote them ourselves.
PRIEST: *pointing* What’s this word?
WIFE: “Combatant.”
I was wondering how they got the sign to just float in midair like that. Now it makes sense.
The ‘theme’ of every theme park is the need for more effective birth control.
*screams “I don’t speak Mandarin!!!”
*the oranges finally shut up
Mary has her cakes…
Sandra has her cookies…