Found a pic in a box buried deep in the closet of me sitting on Santa’s knee. Hard to believe that was two whole years ago!
Turns out a spiral-cut ham will not walk down stairs like a Slinky.
I love how Presidents will pardon a turkey and then eat a different turkey.
Those turkeys presidents pardon? HUGE campaign donors.
Twitter: You already tweeted that.
Me: I ONLY HAVE TWELVE JOKES.
My wife’s returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
If your kid eats the chocolate bunny’s feet first, “so it can’t get away,” that’s your future serial killer right there.
I prefer to think in terms of “good” cholesterol and “misunderstood” cholesterol.
Twitter updated their Terms of Service. Now it just says “Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here.”
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.