After multiple failed attempts to sleep in my bed my 3yr old came creeping in wearing sun glasses. After being denied once again she said “I tried a disguise this time. I thought for sure it would work.”
Everyone thinks it’s so funny if my 2yr old rips her dress off at a bday party but if I do it then it’s “inappropriate” & “we need to talk.”
My phone died at the gym and I had to do the elliptical with zero entertainment like the pioneers did in the olden days.
My 3yr old lost her mind because I apparently hurt her doll’s feelings. I swear I’ve been nothing but polite to that doll but now it’s on.
If you’re feeling a little too good about yourself let your child take a pic of you laying on the couch. Tada! You are now Jaba the Hut.
“I don’t have that many gray hairs. I’ll just pluck them out.”
aaaaand….now I’m bald.
I said hi to someone and a bug flew into my mouth. Lesson learned.
I figured out the best time to go grocery shopping these days is at 3:45 AM, before the Girl Scouts even wake up. Ha, I’ll show them.
Drug commercial…Don’t take this medication if you are allergic to this medication.
Oh, ok. That’s super helpful, thank you.
Me: *Reaches over, cuts up food, says “open wide” & starts making airplane noises*
Guy: *stunned silence*
-Single Mama on a date
Asked my toddler if she’d work on being more careful when eating in her car seat. Her response was an immediate “No.” At least she’s honest.
Some girls look like they’ve barely broken a sweat after hot yoga while I look like a tomato that’s been doused by a fire hose.
As an adult very few things are less humiliating than being caught in public trying to be cute for a selfie.
I used to wait for hrs with my finger on the record button of a boom box after requesting a song on the radio. I’m familiar with commitment.
You don’t realize how much you miss your privacy until you have a toddler hugging you the entire time you pee.