What’s a moderation, and how do I drink in one?
*At the ouija board*
Me: Err… mom? Can’t we just…
Ouija board: A-N-D A-N-O-T-H-E-R T-H-I-N-G
*Stands guard with scissors and tinsel*
Wait, you said “wrap battle”, right?
Quoting famous dead people on the internet is stupid.
An egg with 28 followers says I’m not funny. So if you need me, I’ll just be in the kitchen making an omelette.
Wearing shades inside makes me look cool, right?
*Trips over the cat*
Don’t forget to contemplate the meaning of life while standing in the cycle lane with your car door wide open today.
My cat jumped off me unexpectedly, so I get it, Europe. I get it.
Texting drivers running over texting pedestrians: a modern day zombie apocalypse.
*Slides down your chimney*
*Straightens all your pictures*