It’s a 50% chance the dental floss on the floor is mine, but until I wrestle it back into the trash, I’m treating it like a cobra at large.
I’ve adopted an elephant virtually. The elephant itself is actually.
Friend: Aren’t those jeans a little young for you?
Me: I’m sorry I can’t quite hear you. Come closer. Don’t be scared.
“I want to brew beer with my feet but be an archeologist with my hands,” a friend’s 4 y.o. declares. My own career arc was less defined.
Like an octopus negotiating a roomful of toddlers, I negotiate a roomful of toddlers.
Someone in this marriage has to be able to smell natural gas leaks and since *someone* had a lab accident I guess it’s going to be me.
Once there was a dead bat in our driveway, but he shrieked at me when I tried to pick him up and that’s how I found out dead bats are jerks.
The room quiets as you pick up a pen. You are left-handed and perhaps the first one they’ve ever seen in the wild.
Mother of God, the man solved unsolvable crimes for eight straight seasons. When he says he has a hunch, believe him the first time.
Tour guides often say to me “that’s a great question,” but I like to dig deeper. What was the wow factor? Let’s spend some time on this.
You and what army? That should be your first question to the HOA.
Hates everyone who has a cooler birthstone than mine.
You missed Mass online, which isn’t great, but you can watch Ben Hur now for partial credit.
If the horse track doesn’t open back up soon, I’m gonna lose the only math I remember.
When my middle school English teacher didn’t know the word “anecdote,” it became my first successful field test of discretion vs. valor.