These birds at my feeder. None of them have a plan.
You can totally mistake a slipper for a cat when you don’t have your glasses on. Even after you pet it, you can’t be sure.
Are you a guest? No, you aren’t. You live here. *takes away napkin and hands you a paper towel*
You travel 3500 miles to the breathtaking 15th-century mountaintop Inca citadel, Machu Picchu. The gift shop is not great.
Not fat, but not super thin either. I’m more like…what’s the word? Oh, I know. Terrifying.
The card you sent said “Peace on Earth” but the glitter on my hand says you have made a powerful enemy.
[poking you repeatedly in the shoulder] I’ll keep this up until you acknowledge me. I’ve got nowhere else to be.
A Person Who Cares has informed me there’s a helium shortage, which I knew.
She said “it’s not just for balloons,” which I also knew.
She asked me if could even name three other uses for helium, which I did.
It was a tough day for A Person Who Cares.
Right now, someone likes something you don’t and other people are agreeing. You just gonna sit there and let that happen?
Less concerned about the rotten apples than the really stupid ones.
My first scholarly article was rejected in a letter so scathing I worried there might be criminal charges as well.
You can initiate peekaboo with the toddler in the next booth, but are you prepared to continue it throughout dinner? I didn’t think so.
Jaguar or leopard, it’s not going to matter in about two leaps.
When you played marbles, the only goal was to win more marbles. No one asked stupid questions like why’d you want more marbles.
We operate by one simple rule: if you smell it and you think it’s gone bad, I believe you. Further testing (by me) is unnecessary.