@bigpoppadrunk Her: You are a good looking guy
My brain: She likes you don’t make this weird
My mouth: You too
My brain: He shoots and hits a baby in the upper bleachers
@bigpoppadrunk @bigpoppadrunk Remember when getting a babysitter for the night meant ordering a pizza and 20 bucks and not 25 an hour and not asking about their ankle monitor
@bigpoppadrunk I’m guessing by the bathroom scale being in the trash my wife has met her new years resolution and doesn’t need it anymore
@bigpoppadrunk [Wife sweeping up all the dog hair into one big pile and answers the phone]
30 seconds later…
Kid: Look mom fur angels
@bigpoppadrunk Never hate someone for the color of their skin or who they love. Hate them for putting mayo on a hotdog. That person deserves it