@blaha_Who

[1st Date]

Her: Ask me something you really want to know about me…

Me: Ever had the urge to water balloon fight someone until death?

@blaha_Who

Whenever I get a midnight “Hey” dm from a woman on the weekend, I always reply

Maybe she’s inviting me to church or something fun like that

@blaha_Who

GF: why the hell are you eating cheese puffs in bed at 2am

Me: shhh… I’m sleep walking

@blaha_Who

Hell hath no fury like a woman who found out you used her face towel as a hand towel

@blaha_Who

I had sex with a girl who had the big holes in her ear lobes once

It was just once, because using them as reins isn’t cool, apparently

@blaha_Who

My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge

Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat

@blaha_Who

Sometimes after a long hard day at work, it takes me 4 bars to get home

@blaha_Who

Of course I’ve slept in the wet spot

My ex drooled like a Komodo dragon

@blaha_Who

My gf thought it was so cute when she found out I owned a pair of tap shoes

Until I got drunk, and put them on