@clindsaysway

Grandma used the same wrapping paper for 25 years, so don’t tell me about the great ‘bargain’ you found.

@clindsaysway

Heard Santa and his wife separated, which would make them independent Clauses.

@clindsaysway

*helping son with math problem*

[hour later]

JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!

@clindsaysway

I like to make a guy feel welcome in the morning by surrounding him with stuffed animals while he sleeps.

@clindsaysway

When no one stars a tweet, I tell myself it was probably appreciated by hundreds of shy people.