It makes me feel sick that i come from such a long line of hypochondriacs.
Running your mouth is not cardio.
[ In bed, trying to find a cold spot ]
Ahhhh, there it is…
Wife: Get off of me!!
Men’s underwear should be called “manhole covers”
[In cubicle at work]
*pretends to start clipping my nails*
*tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip*
There’s a whole world of people out there!
*closes the door*
If i were a hand model, at least i could say that i’ve banged a model.
I’ve been married for about 45 lbs.
Wishy-washy sounds like someone that’s optimistically clean.
Are you a can of biscuits? Because I’d like to bang you on the counter.