I take advice from crows because their core strategy of screaming at things and flying away really tracks.
There is a very fine line between kidnapping an introvert and taking them to a party.
Turns out there are very few midnight trains and “Anywhere” isn’t an option, you have to pick an actual destination.
Going off the grid sounds great until you find out how difficult it is to make mayonnaise in the woods.
Settle down lifeguard, I can swim, it’s just not pretty to watch.
My 5-year plan is to double the number of things onto which I regularly pour alfredo sauce.
Humans use the term “invasive species” like somebody invited them to all 7 continents.
When I am really mad, I pronounce your name as frenchly as possible.
I’m going to go to a carpet store and act like “Crystal Mauve” is a color that everybody knows.
I’m a staunch supporter of something, I’m not sure what that is, yet. I just wanted to be staunch today.
The first rule of hydration club is where is your restroom?
Gross, who put proof in this pudding?
Ear cleaning technician sounds like a solid career path. As far as we know people are going to have ears.
Maybe wear your heart on the other sleeve, that one has mustard on it.
Whoever is responsible for “tear here” that doesn’t work, I will find you.