Welcome to your fifties; you have a favourite hip now.
Me: I just love dancing naked in summer rain!
Neighbour: that’s it, I’m turning the sprinkler off right now!
6yo: Newton discovered gravy
Me: gravity, he discovered gravity.
6yo: what’s that?
Me: it’s what stops you floating off into space
6yo: *sadly* he should have stuck with the gravy
Maybe i’m not naked, maybe my pants are just invisible?
Me: I’ll never get married again!
My sex drive has a dui
My boyfriend said he wanted me to wear my sexy undies when we went out!
Cop: just put your clothes back on, you’re scaring the people at poundland
I had sex once and once was enough
Wait, where did those 3 kids come from?😂
Unplugged the WiFi for 10 seconds and a teenager I didn’t know existed appeared from one of the bedrooms to complain
Of course I’m desirable, I have many snacks hidden about my person, I’m a veritable buffet!