@impaulmccoy

*first day as a vegan*

“Yes, I’ll have the ribeye medium rare, extra vegan please!”

@impaulmccoy

If you tell me that something is just a hop, skip, and a jump away, I’m not going. That’s exercise.

@impaulmccoy

YouTube videos are like: fix it yourself in a few easy steps! You just need a screwdriver, soldering iron, hydraulic torque wrench, stork beak pliers, and a scissor lift!

@impaulmccoy

My favorite part of Beethoven’s 5th symphony is the rap battle 18 minutes in.

@impaulmccoy

I call my job ‘Workle’ because it usually takes me 4 to 6 tries to get anything done.

@impaulmccoy

I bet somebody on Facebook is vowing to not eat Russian salad dressing EVER AGAIN.