
What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.
What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.
I abhor violence but I might get a smidge slappy for the last piece of lemon meringue pie.
I found a hardcover book titled ‘50 ways to make yourself happy’ . The first and only happiness is throwing that book at some idiots head.
My kids do not talk to me like I’m their best chance of an organ donation.
I don’t know about eating 8 spiders a year but I’m definitely eating kilos of dog fur.
You can’t screech away angrily from the curb in a Prius.
I only ate one meal yesterday. It just lasted for six hours.
You: I’m so hard on myself.
People on the internet: Hold my beer.
*stubs toe
*puts $100 in the swear jar
I’d run away but I’ve got too many clothes.