@lmwortho

What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.

@lmwortho

I abhor violence but I might get a smidge slappy for the last piece of lemon meringue pie.

@lmwortho

I found a hardcover book titled ‘50 ways to make yourself happy’ . The first and only happiness is throwing that book at some idiots head.

@lmwortho

My kids do not talk to me like I’m their best chance of an organ donation.

@lmwortho

I don’t know about eating 8 spiders a year but I’m definitely eating kilos of dog fur.

@lmwortho

You can’t screech away angrily from the curb in a Prius.

@lmwortho

I only ate one meal yesterday. It just lasted for six hours.

@lmwortho

You: I’m so hard on myself.

People on the internet: Hold my beer.