@lmwortho What’s with hiking? Leave nature alone, weirdos.
@lmwortho @lmwortho I abhor violence but I might get a smidge slappy for the last piece of lemon meringue pie.
@lmwortho I found a hardcover book titled ‘50 ways to make yourself happy’ . The first and only happiness is throwing that book at some idiots head.
@lmwortho My kids do not talk to me like I’m their best chance of an organ donation.
@lmwortho I don’t know about eating 8 spiders a year but I’m definitely eating kilos of dog fur.
@lmwortho You can’t screech away angrily from the curb in a Prius.
@lmwortho I only ate one meal yesterday. It just lasted for six hours.
@lmwortho You: I’m so hard on myself.
People on the internet: Hold my beer.
@lmwortho *stubs toe
*puts $100 in the swear jar
@lmwortho I’d run away but I’ve got too many clothes.