@mattZillaaaa

Someone at work sent an email that said “happy Monday” so I’m going to HR.

@mattZillaaaa

I saw a younger couple walking and holding hands today and it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka.

@mattZillaaaa

I just want to live in a world where stupid people don’t knock on a locked bathroom door shouting, “anyone in there?!”

@mattZillaaaa

A wise man once told me,

“Sir for just 50 cents more, you can add cheese to that”

@mattZillaaaa

My parents do this fun thing when they show up for dinner at 6 in the morning.

@mattZillaaaa

Everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas tree on Instagram and I’m like oh shit I forgot to delete Instagram.

@mattZillaaaa

It’s easy to lie to people.
My phone was dead. I mailed it 2 weeks ago. Your baby is so cute.

@mattZillaaaa

I just want to be high enough on the corporate ladder so I can walk around the office and yell at ppl while I’m eating a salad