Someone at work sent an email that said “happy Monday” so I’m going to HR.
I saw a younger couple walking and holding hands today and it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka.
I just want to live in a world where stupid people don’t knock on a locked bathroom door shouting, “anyone in there?!”
A wise man once told me,
“Sir for just 50 cents more, you can add cheese to that”
My parents do this fun thing when they show up for dinner at 6 in the morning.
Everyone is posting pictures of their Christmas tree on Instagram and I’m like oh shit I forgot to delete Instagram.
Imagine having a party on purpose.
It’s easy to lie to people.
My phone was dead. I mailed it 2 weeks ago. Your baby is so cute.
I just want to be high enough on the corporate ladder so I can walk around the office and yell at ppl while I’m eating a salad
People come into your life for a reason. It’s annoying