@mattZillaaaa Women have 9 months to prepare for birth. Paper cuts JUST HAPPEN
@mattZillaaaa @mattZillaaaa Old people like to get up at 4am so they can go sit in chairs and fall back asleep
@mattZillaaaa You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 mins
@mattZillaaaa I hate long distance relationships so I’m moving the fridge to my bedroom.
@mattZillaaaa Only take relationship advice from people who have really healthy relationships. So, no one
@mattZillaaaa Tomorrow is my company’s office holiday potluck. I really hope they like the french fries I found between my car seat
@mattZillaaaa Dress for the job you want to sleep at
@mattZillaaaa Poured Tresemmé on a spider in the shower & scooted him down the drain, he reemerged w/ voluminous hair & screamed at me in a French accent
@mattZillaaaa I just want to be rich enough to stop giving people toilet paper for Christmas
@mattZillaaaa People who knock on my front door really need to give up these unrealistic expectations that I’m going to answer