I’m allergic to bears. One bear bite and it’s straight to the ER for me.
Just saw a guy using a payphone. I can only assume he’s being told where to deliver the ransom money.
Relationship or hallucination? Either way, I’m seeing somebody.
Whenever someone says, “that’s what she said”, I like to reply with, “not to you”
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I’m done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
It took years for my gf to get me to put down the toilet seat. Though, I really don’t know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
Not sure if I want buns of steel, or buns of cinnamon.
Where have you been all my life? Please go back there.