*Hands you a handbasket*
You know what to do…….
I have a bumper sticker that says “Honk if you think I’m sexy!” Then I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself!
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OKAY IF YOU CANNOT HAVE CAKE AND EAT IT TOO WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PURPOSE OF CAKE
Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp
Went on a date once.
He ordered for me, “She’ll have a small side salad.”
I said, “Yes, and a side of sirloin and a loaded baked potato.”
They’re not wrong
Five second rule? Pfft. What’s the point of having an immune system if you’re not going to use it?
The escalator at the gym is broken, this is BULLSHIT.
Is there such a thing as filthy clean? Let’s take a shower together and find out.
Me: Haven’t shaved for two days. Do I look like McDreamy?
Wife: You look like McHomeless.