@ozzyunc

The “you can’t sit with us” kids don’t like it when you call them the “you can’t sit with us” kids.

@ozzyunc

To add insult to injury illiterate is hard to spell.

@ozzyunc

You can buy a 48-pack of referee whistles on Amazon for $8. Give them to the kids of people you hate.

@ozzyunc

When you stub your toe but there are kids around.

@ozzyunc

Was Darth Vader a humidifier or dehumidifier?

@ozzyunc

The difference between HOA & HORTA is one’s a lava monster that will melt your face & the other’s from Star Trek.

@ozzyunc

Potatoes & rice should be friends but they’re starch enemies.

@ozzyunc

Being a billionaire should be illegal unless you’re a talking duck with no pants.

@ozzyunc

I really hope my house is haunted because I don’t want to pay to fix those noises.