@perlhack dentists and waitstaff go to the same class called ‘When to Ask Questions’
@perlhack @perlhack me, to me: babe are you ok? you’ve hardly touched your resolutions from last year
@perlhack [on Mars]
Curiosity Rover: *finds ancient cat remains* ohhh man I just know I’m gonna get blamed for this
@perlhack me: hi sharks, I built an app that calls the elevator when you’re 30 seconds away, so it’s waiting when you get there
Mark Cuban: I’m offering $5M for a 1%–
me: huh? I’m not seeking investment, I’m just here to brag that I’m gonna be rich
@perlhack All bottle caps are twist-offs if you have a prosthetic robot hand
@perlhack Polyamorous: in a relationship with more than one partner
Monopoly-amorous: plays board games with more than one group of friends
@perlhack The best part of working retail is when a customer insists you “check in the back”
Our inventory system is pretty rock solid, Susan, but sure, I could use a 5 minute break pretending to look