@perlhack

dentists and waitstaff go to the same class called ‘When to Ask Questions’

@perlhack

me, to me: babe are you ok? you’ve hardly touched your resolutions from last year

@perlhack

[on Mars]
Curiosity Rover: *finds ancient cat remains* ohhh man I just know I’m gonna get blamed for this

@perlhack

me: hi sharks, I built an app that calls the elevator when you’re 30 seconds away, so it’s waiting when you get there

Mark Cuban: I’m offering $5M for a 1%–

me: huh? I’m not seeking investment, I’m just here to brag that I’m gonna be rich

@perlhack

All bottle caps are twist-offs if you have a prosthetic robot hand

@perlhack

Polyamorous: in a relationship with more than one partner

Monopoly-amorous: plays board games with more than one group of friends

@perlhack

The best part of working retail is when a customer insists you “check in the back”

Our inventory system is pretty rock solid, Susan, but sure, I could use a 5 minute break pretending to look