@prufrockluvsong

interviewer: are you a good listener

TV captioner: yes

interviewer: can you type quickly and accurately

TV captioner: oh yeah

interviewer: sorry, we can not hire you

@prufrockluvsong

Is this waiter flirting with me because they just handed me a piece of paper that says ME N U

@prufrockluvsong

Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It’s always waaay too spicy and doesn’t taste anything like avocados.

@prufrockluvsong

I go to seductively boop your nose but my finger pierces straight through the back of your skull.

“Sorry, I’ve been working out.” I say.

@prufrockluvsong

[me, stacking babies on top of each other]

Him: Wha…What are you doin there?

Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.

@prufrockluvsong

I would do anything for love. But I won’t do that. Or that. That’s not looking good either.