What flavor cupcake are these
What’s this thing called? I’m going with “boingy boinger”
I’m stranded on a dessert island. Do not send help.
Spiderman: *shoots web from wrist*
spider: yeah that way’s fine too
interviewer: are you a good listener
TV captioner: yes
interviewer: can you type quickly and accurately
TV captioner: oh yeah
interviewer: sorry, we can not hire you
Is this waiter flirting with me because they just handed me a piece of paper that says ME N U
Never eat the free guacamole at a sushi restaurant. It’s always waaay too spicy and doesn’t taste anything like avocados.
I go to seductively boop your nose but my finger pierces straight through the back of your skull.
“Sorry, I’ve been working out.” I say.
[me, stacking babies on top of each other]
Him: Wha…What are you doin there?
Me: Oh, you know, just building up the infant structure.
I would do anything for love. But I won’t do that. Or that. That’s not looking good either.