@robfee “That’ll be $147,382.” – The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air.
@robfee @robfee The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
@robfee I bet when the first guy wore glasses everybody was like “Oh la de da, excuse me Mr. I Need TWO Monocles.”
@robfee Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.
@robfee Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic
@robfee If you laugh at a kid’s joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.
@robfee There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about that Backstreet Boy asking his pals, “am I sexual?” & they’re like, “yeah.”
@robfee No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.
@robfee No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
@robfee A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn’t buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic.