@robfee

“That’ll be $147,382.” – The cab driver after taking Will Smith from Philadelphia to Bel Air.

@robfee

The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.

@robfee

I bet when the first guy wore glasses everybody was like “Oh la de da, excuse me Mr. I Need TWO Monocles.”

@robfee

Sorry pregnant ladies, all of your 3D ultrasounds look like Gollum in an Ikea lampshade.

@robfee

Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows (2011) A bunch of adults trash a high school bc a noseless man thinks a child is better than him at magic

@robfee

If you laugh at a kid’s joke that kid will tell the exact same joke at slightly louder volumes 8,000 times in a row.

@robfee

There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about that Backstreet Boy asking his pals, “am I sexual?” & they’re like, “yeah.”

@robfee

No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.

@robfee

No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.

@robfee

A guy on Catfish dated a girl for 4 years despite only seeing ONE picture of her. I wouldn’t buy a futon on Craigslist with only one pic.