Treadmill salesman: This one has 12 incline levels and can maintain speeds of up to 15 miles per hour.
Me: (dumps two loads of laundry on top) I’ll take it.
Raised and lowered my arm today so my Fitbit will stop alerting people that I’m dead.
It’s amazing how many errands I’m willing to run when family is in town. No, no you relax. I’ll go.
My best friend bought my daughter a 2000 piece bead kit when she turned four and to this day I don’t know what I did to piss her off.
Husband has entrusted me with sending holiday gifts to his employees. Should I sign them XoXo or is it considered more professional to spell out Hugs and Kisses?
Taught my dog to shake hands and he just brokered a suspicious deal with our local union rep.