professor x: what’s your superpower?
me: I turn everyone into a character from the movie Grease
professor x: tell me more, tell me more
I’m willing to pay $2 to find out what the future is
if you are what you eat, my dog is my favourite pair of shoes
I’m learning how to do weight training by lifting dogs. I picked up a few pointers yesterday
how did they feed babies before the airplane was invented?
That’s enough internet for the day
me: one more peep outta you & I’m turning this car around
child (pukes up Easter candy):
me: ok that’s it!
He also looks really rough for a 4 year old
me after eating Cheetos
why does saying their name 3x work for Bloody Mary and not for Brad Pitt?