just leave it at the foot of the bed
* overheard at the bar *
Becky: so what do you do?
Him: I’m a beekeeper
Ecky: you astard!!!!
what I look like when I sleep with my mouth open
debt collector: your bill is outstanding
duck: thank you
*burglar alarm goes off*
me (turns to the robber asleep beside me): honey it’s time to get up and go to work
when I’m sound asleep Sunday morning and someone rings the doorbell
professor x: what’s your superpower?
me: I turn everyone into a character from the movie Grease
professor x: tell me more, tell me more
I’m willing to pay $2 to find out what the future is
if you are what you eat, my dog is my favourite pair of shoes
I’m learning how to do weight training by lifting dogs. I picked up a few pointers yesterday