“Have you tried sexy lingerie?”
me: yeah but it just creeps her out.
Whoever called it rush hour should not be allowed to name anything else.
I’m pretty sure these people at the next table are talking about how paranoid I am.
You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.
Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that’ll keep me awake tonight.
It’s funny when you tell someone that you don’t like people, they always think you mean other people.
I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.
We had a ninja competition tonight but we don’t know if anyone showed up.
Don’t be fooled by looks, butterflies taste just like moths.
Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won’t kill all of them.