I have a ghost cat. My Litter Robot just told me it detected a 5.9 pound cat. I don’t have a 5.9 pound cat or one close to that weight.
Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.
The hiring manager calling me for an interview just said uhm about 300 times. Does that mean I got the job?
Single white female seeking a nice, respectful paycheck and 401k to settle down with.
I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.
I’m not smart enough to have this many people dumber than me.
I can’t lose this last 20 pounds so I’m just telling everyone that I’m pregnant now.
I got the scar above my lip from *my time in prison.
*When my coffee mug launched itself out of my cupboard before work.
Using my dog as a shield, but just to absorb the slobber from my other dog.
You’re like if “nope” was a person.
Of course introverts lie, how do you think we get jobs.
If you’re looking for a woman whose problem solving skills include plugging the power strip back into itself to use the outlet it’s in, hit me up.
I have a migraine and my stomach hurts. A fast food burger and fries should help.
It’s like ten thousand followers when all you need is an emergency contact.