@Brentweets

Going to open a Vietnamese restaurant and name it Viet Nom Nom Nom.

@Brentweets

Speed 3: Waitress has to keep talking about the day’s specials or the entire restaurant explodes.

@Brentweets

If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they’re okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved.

@Brentweets

“In case of emergency break glass” Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can’t even open a Cheetos bag.

@Brentweets

On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.

@Brentweets

You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.