@ChefRonSullivan

When my new neighbor dies, I’m going to hire the same tree removal service he has outside my window right now to work during his burial.

@ChefRonSullivan

Halloween is without question the easiest time of year to kill somebody and just leave their body decomposing on your porch for a month

@ChefRonSullivan

My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem.

@ChefRonSullivan

After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks.

@ChefRonSullivan

To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find …

@ChefRonSullivan

Find a penny
Pick it up
& all the day
You’ll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection …

@ChefRonSullivan

I’m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all …

@ChefRonSullivan

Jehovah’s Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies …

@ChefRonSullivan

Sylvester Stallone is looking more and more like G.I Joe doll put in a microwave on high for twenty minutes