@GibJimson

Damn girl, are you an octagon?

Cause there’s like 8 different sides to you.

@GibJimson

If you ever see me cleaning out my car in the middle of winter, it’s because I have drugs missing.

@GibJimson

Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs?

Me: You mean like the band?

@GibJimson

My family doesn’t get together a lot during the holidays.

We see each other enough throughout the year at all the interventions.

@GibJimson

[at pet store]

Im looking for something cheap and will get people to stop coming over.

@GibJimson

If you ever get drugged by someone and they steal an organ, just check Craigslist.

That’s probably where I’m selling it at.

@GibJimson

I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn’t answered a phone call since 2008.